Choose the bigger life
"Child, where do you traipse about in the night?"
"A hurry through which known and strange things pass"
– Seamus Heaney
After dinner, the Fellows bus their dishes and return the chairs to their rightful tables. They, we, gather in the vestibule. Together we troop to the meadow for a silent dance party. Some of us are more comfortable with the dark, than others.
The voice in your head says: "Dziecko, gdzie ty łazisz po nocy?"
Roughly, this translates to: "Child, where do you traipse about in the night?"
"Łazić" maybe comes from "łąka," "meadow."
When you hear Polish in your head, it's always your mother's voice.
In the sky, you see Orion's belt, and Venus.
–
The desire to write a beautiful book that will sell, and support your family.
The desire to write a beautiful book for its own sake and without attachment to any outcome.
You must hold both of these notions in your heart at the same time, and still write the book.
–
If you reach inside the lampshade to turn off the light, you might startle a stink bug or two. So when you leave your studio for the night, you leave the lamp on, to draw what it might, from the outlets and the air.
One night as you write, one of these bugs traces the rim of the lampshade, over and over.
You lay a sheet of paper over your keyboard, so no stink bugs drop between the keys, dead or alive. For they do fall, silently and without warning, even when you think you've cupped every last one and released it outside.
Goodnight, little guy, you say to the stink bunk, who is now walking upside down, tracing the bottom rim of the lampshade.
Goodnight, little guy, because someone, a poet or a therapist, told you:
You must try to be very tender.
–
Snow melt progression in the Fellows Courtyard at VCCA. Photos: Kasia Nikhamina
ABOUT
I make Divinity School from scratch without AI. The writing and the photos here are all my work, always. Thank you for reading, please share near and far, and upgrade to a paid subscription if you can swing it! Paid subscriptions support my writing practice – up next, "More is more: revision as a generative act," a workshop with Danielle Lazarin at Writing Co-Lab.
Divinity School • a letter every Sunday at sunset • if you’re always looking, after some time you’ll have seen
NEWSY STUFF
I'm writing at the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts (VCCA) February 9 through March 10. It is a privilege and a joy to be here! Thank you, VCCA staff and all the Fellows, for your company at dinner, and your inspiring work.
JUNCO AND WOLF, a story inspired by my year studying in Moscow, is forthcoming in Issue No. 33 of A Public Space. Stay tuned for a pub date and order link.
Free but required RSVP is live for the April 1 (new date) launch party for SEARCH WORK: A Collective Inquiry into the Job Hunt, edited by Rachel Meade Smith (OR Books, 2026), available for pre-order now. My essay is in the book so YES I WILL sign your copy. You can buy the book at the event.
